Rona, a tiny spherical bat-kisser, was taken from the jungle to Wuhan animal market with her bat friends and after several adventures among humankind, kissing everyone she met, she fell in love with Pete, a young British photographer she spotted at the market. At that moment, a Chinese policeman grabbed him.
Read on!
Episode 3
Pete was thrown into the back of a police van and driven at speed to Wuhan’s airport. “What have I done wrong?” Pete moaned. A cop smacked him round the chops. “I’m a snapper, snapping’s what I do!” he wailed. “Not in Wuhan!” snarled the cop, smacking him again. Dodging the blows, Rona, who was perched on his nose, shed tiny tears.
At the airport Pete was frogmarched onto a flight to Hong Kong and strapped into his seat. Rona looked around. What a playground for a bug! With Pete immobilised, she bounced from aisle to aisle kissing passengers and crew till every soul on the plane bore the imprint of her invisible lips.
Pete’s girlfriend was waiting for him at Hong Kong Airport’s Arrivals gate. “Cindy,” he cried, “you won’t believe what I’ve been through.”
“Stay back!” she barked. “Two metres: that’s as close as you come!”
“What do you mean, you’re my girlfriend! What’s up?”
“You’ve just come from Wuhan, yes or no?”
“You know I have.”
“Have you got any idea what’s happening there? How dangerous it is?”
“Dangerous? Come on! There’s just this crazy animal market with snakes and wolf cubs and bats and pangolins all mixed up together. I got the last pictures of the place anyone will ever take – they’ve closed it down.”
“Yes – and do you know why?”
“Some shit about hygiene.”
“Pete, you’re an idiot. Listen.”
Cindy proceeded to fill some of the gaping holes in Pete’s knowledge about the New Plague. How it was spread by a virus originating in bats that had been brought to Wuhan Wet Market. How it had jumped from bats to people, and being wildly contagious was now l leaping from person to person at blinding speed. As it was a brand new virus, humans had no immunity to it. “Everyone’s a sitting duck!” she told him, “Coronavirus is a killer!”
“I’m not a killer,” Rona muttered furiously, “I’m a kisser!”
“We must stamp it out,” Cindy concluded, her voice rising, “or it will bring humanity to its knees!”
“‘It!’” thought Rona, silently seething. “‘It’”! Can’t she see I’m a girl?”
“Ah come on,” said Pete, “I’ve never felt better in my life! Cindy I’ve been missing you, come here and give me a hug!”
“Stay away from me!” Cindy snapped, whipping out the stiletto dagger she kept concealed in her hairbrush. Rona looked from Pete to Cindy and from Cindy to Pete and decided it was time to act.
“Hey Pete,” she whispered in his ear, “don’t pay any attention to this crap. The way she talks about me, can’t you tell she’s just jealous?”
Pete cocked an ear and listened.
”You’re a tough guy,” Rona went on, “you’re young, you’re healthy - you’ll come to no harm, I promise. Okay, my kisses may bring on a little cough, a sneeze, you may feel warm for a day or two – that’s just the passion for me brewing up in your manly breast. Then it’ll pass and you’ll be back to normal, ready for anything – and I’ll never hurt you again. Meanwhile Cindy and the rest of humanity will be cowering on their knees, bankrupting their economies, driving themselves insane with loneliness – and you’ll be the boss! The one man who knows no fear!
“I’m telling you, Pete, you and me are going to have the time of our lives! But first you’ve got to dump this gloomy chick.”
Pete got the message. This was what he liked to hear. As a front-line press photographer, he had spent his life ricocheting from one battle zone to the next and had come to no harm – on the contrary, he’d become quite rich. He was revered by his peers. He’d won awards. A knighthood couldn’t be too long coming. Was he going go change his ways now? Is the Pope a Catholic?
“Cindy,” he said, giving her a blazing smile, “this is goodbye.”
“What d’you mean?” she wailed. “I’ve got it all planned out – you go into lockdown in this little one-room place I’ve found for you – after a couple of weeks on your own, you’ll be clean and we can get together again.”
“Sorry love, that’s not my style. This is no time to join the wimps - I’m one of nature’s survivors.” Turning his back on her, he headed briskly for the airline ticketing desks.
Standing on his shoulder, Rona punched the air in triumph.
Continued in Episode 4