So it seems the isolation of being alone with oneself is something we all have been desperately craving in this world full of stuff. I've never been diagnosed with anything but often times feel bipolar; i'm sure a lot of us could attest to this (my mother definitely to mine) self-diagnosis. I say this because for instance in regards to my split opinion on almost anything and everything. The duality of life. Decisiveness is something that seems to get away from me as I get older. I want things, but do I need them? Who am I truly? Who are we truly? I've realised one of my true passions is the search for knowledge, Constant improvement of myself (mentally and spiritually, i'm yet to get to the physically part. HELP). Of course with so much time on my hands now, the tv is my best friend. It's like one of those friends who doesn't want the party to end, who just keeps enticing you back in for more. I think of my other friends; the stacks of books that are calling my name, the radio with a vast selection of the unknown choices you didn't know you needed. Yet, the tv glues me. I think this is down to it's endlessness of wealth of knowledge. One minute i can be watching a rom-com (never) and the next an incredibly insightful documentary documenting the struggle of women within Hollywood (very good, i recommend). My relentless search for more is often fruitless as i have no idea how to culminate it to really really fulfil my true potential. And then I get lazy, and i'm back to square one sitting on the sofa, newly positioned to offer me the BEST spot in the house - facing the tv box. I've settled into my new routine slightly too well I think, day 15 and it's like what was life before this? Wake up. Coffee. Breakfast, TV. Think about other things. Forget about other things. TV. Whatsapp (urgh). Wait for 5pm. Pour one glass of wine (ration that shit baby). TV. TV. TV. Cry about TV. Whatsapp. Bed. REPEAT. I'm sure if i were a better human this routine would involve a touch of work, some kind of creative output, some sort of exercise (read previous statement). But it doesn't. Do I feel bad? Sometimes. Do I now realise how self centred I am? Yes. What do I want to do about it? A lot. What do I need to do about it? Who knows (HELP). As we have more conversations with each other than ever before, only this time it's on FaceTime, I truly feel we are all taking the time to understand who we are, what we want, what we need and how to get there. I questioned myself and one of my many Whatsapp lovers "do you think humans can evolve further?" He said yes. I think we can and I hope that this is the beginning of transcending to the next level of consciousness just as we evolved from our prior homo states.
- Corona Thinkers